Oracle Names Guillermo Ochoa Chief Security Officer


According to my cousin Pedro, an inmate at the El Paso County Assylum for the Criminally Insane, Oracle has acquired Mexico’s goal keeper, Guillermo Ochoa, who will be joining the executive team as Chief Security Officer reporting to Larry Ellison.

“Oracle? Are they Division One?”

Guillermo asked, apparently unaware of the trade.

“We have to give him a crash course in the Oracle stack,” explained an Oracle executive who asked to remain anonymous, “but his commitment to the goal is unmatched. Or rather, to impede the goal. Rejection, if you will. Well, you know what I mean. You just can’t teach that.”ochoa superman

Oracle’s Senior Principal Directing Global Executive Vice President of International Human Resources felt the time was right. “We fast-tracked him from our usual 6-18 months hiring timeframes to only a few days because

he’s a game changer.

China, the NSA, that kid in his Mom’s basement, they now have to get through Guillermo.”

The reaction of Oracle employees was unanimous.

Ochoa!  Ochoa!  Ochoa!

Here is a compilation of Guillermo’s saves against Brazil in the 2014 World Cup.

And here is a longer compilation of his best saves.