Sir, iceberg ahead

Somewhere in the North Atlantic.

“Sir, iceberg ahead.”

“Fake news. Full speed ahead.”

Later in the North Atlantic.

“Sir, radar shows multiple icebergs ahead. Recommend we reduce speed.”

“Turn off your radar. If you don’t look at your radar, there won’t be any icebergs.”

Impact.

“Sir, I believe we struck an iceberg.”

“Don’t worry about it. This ship is unsinkable.”

Water begins flooding into the ship.

“Sir, there is a 100 meter gash below the water line, compartments 4 and 5 are flooding.”

“The people in the communications office have not treated me right. Ignore them. Start the gala dinner. We need to give our guests what they paid for.”

On the main deck, two friends talking.

“Egbert, I believe this ship is sinking.”

“I believe you’re right, Theodore,”

“I’ve lost confidence in the captain.”

“Not me. He upgraded my stateroom. I’m cruising in the lap of luxury.”

Back on the bridge.

“Sir, we should send a distress signal.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It will make us look bad.”

Ship is tilting more dramatically.

“Sir, we don’t have enough boats for all passengers on board.”

“Of course we do. We’re the Titanic. We’re the greatest ship ever built. I built this ship. This ship has everything it needs. But lock the gates to steerage.”

Ship sinks.

“Sir, what do we do about all the people swimming for their lives. They’re going to freeze to death.”

“Freeze to death? No, they’re going to swamp our boats. Row faster. Let’s get away from them.”

Wealthy passengers in life boats are rescued by other ship.

“My God, what happened?”

“Looters and thugs mutinied. Sank the ship. We had to abandon.”

“You’re lucky to be alive.”

“We are. Going forward, we need armed guards on our ships. Well armed.”

“I can certainly understand the need.”

“Do you have a ship-to-shore phone? I need to call my insurance company. File a claim.”

“Of course. Right away, sir. Is there anything else you need?”

“I could use a hot bath. Have one of your servants run me a hot bath, will you?

“Of course, sir. Right away, sir.”